"I'm Heterosexual Where's My Parade?"

by The Epic

This rant happened to be inspired by two of the nastiest lesbians know to this world, thanks for making me throw up all over my great self…stupid fucking bitches. I should go out and beat the bitches down with my 5 Lb. cock right now. I know one thing; they wouldn't be gay when they saw how great my penis is.

Now back to what I was saying. I came out of school today, annoyed as I always am as I see the same old flock of morons that think it's a race to get on your fucking bus. For gods sake the bus leaves at the same fucking time whether you're the first on or not. Anyways, I go out and on the way BAM right in front of my great eyes was a sight so god awful I tried to make a picture of it on MS Paint and the program deleted its' self leaving a message of "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I'll be honest; I'd rather do a picture album on tubgirl than to see those two lock lips one more time. I mean, I don't go around frenching bitches right in the middle of the public do I? Although I spend a lot of time running from ugly bitches I sure don't french the hot ones because I can never get enough public time. However these two lez-bos who have no friends and pretty much no purpose in life can do it and I can bet nothing would be done about it. Why you ask? Why in the hell would someone force this upon us? Simple, because they're gay.

I'm tired of people treating gays as if they are so special just because they can make out in the middle of public places. We know you're gay, the only way you could appear any gayer is if you're so ugly that no man would touch you, in other words, become Rosie O Donnell. I saw in the record books the other day the world's largest gay convention. What in the fuck is this? There's all of a sudden gay conventions, but we don't get straight conventions? Is that what you're trying to tell me?

It's not just that idea that pisses me off. I happened to go by the network Bravo, I threw up than too, and saw the show with the ass plugger fashion "experts". Ok, they're in love with the penis so that means they have a great fashion sense and everyone else is wrong. No wonder people find it so damn cool to wear pink and put they're collars up on their shirts. I have some bad news, you're all retards. I think that we should make a show called "Nothing but straight." That will involve all of the things that make being a guy so much fun. You know, drinking, porno, gambling, hookers, etc. The dress code would only have one rule…no pink. Other than that it'd be one huge party. Bring on the fat chicks…I mean…beer…and stuff.

Than once we gain so much popularity we'll get a loud mouthed representative to bitch and moan about other stuff that no one else cares about so the gays don't feel left out and than we'll have a huge parade with big floats honoring everything cool. Only the end of this parade involves me smashing a Rosie O Donnell pi񡴡 and talking about gayness being overpowered by greatness. My god I have so many great ideas.

About the Author
The Epic is owner of a personal site named the Epic Zone. You can access it by going to

4 comments about I'm Heterosexual


Posted By: KathrynFri. Jul 8, 2011

I'm sure if any female saw your genitalia, it would be enough to turn them homosexual three times over. They'd probably also ask you where your head was too, seeing as it's so far up your own anus that it needs to be surgically removed. I think I need to tell you, uneducated as you are, that women attracted to the same sex are named "lesbians" not lez bos". Did your teacher not teach you grammar or political correctness? And men attracted to people of the same gender are called "gay" not "ass pluggers". Immature twat. Furthermore, being homosexual doesn't make you a "retard". Same sex attraction isn't a disability you arrogant excuse of a human being. The thing I find most humorous about this article is the fact that whilst you brag about how big your genitalia is (oops sorry lie) and how many girls you have running after you (lie again). Everyone who reads this article will figure out instantaneously that you're an obnoxious isolated guy who wants attention and who probably has no qualifications. Open your mind you arse hole.

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Posted By: RebekkaWed. Oct 5, 2011

I genuinely feel sorry for you.
You must have had a horrible life so far if you can only hate on love.
Even if you probably won't change your mind about this (maybe if one day you'd have a child that turns out to be gay?), you should try to consider this answer to your headline: You get your parade EVERY day, EVERY where. Even on this ONE day of LGBT+ Pride, you can STILL parade around being heterosexual.

I wouldn't even be offended if you would walk around naked (neither would I turn straight from it (because yeeaaah - women are lesbians because they've never seen a large penis before).

I hope your mind will get better and you might see love > hate :)

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Posted By: AliciaWed. Jan 4, 2012

You can get married, therefore you don't need a parade.

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Posted By: NaziThu. Feb 2, 2012

lol ass pluggers.

Pride? What do you have to be proud of? European (whites) have a long history of architectural and technological achievements to be proud of. Gay sex? Why is that something to be proud of? Why? What does it ACCOMPLISH?

Are you forgetting something? That you owe your very lives to your heterosexual parents? Marriage is a commitment based on raising children and starting a family together. People don't get married just because they love each other. You love your mother don't you? Well then why not get married?

I'm sick of all of this gay pride nonsense. It's time for Mother's pride day. Caucasian mothers who have four or more children and nourish them properly should be honored and rewarded in public. This will provide much needed incentive to restore Conservative values that hope give children a happy home and proper up bringing. (why Caucasian? Because Caucasians are the minority world wide! )

This is love! Your gay lust is subconsciously derived from hatred for the human race. I bet you lesbians feel guilty about everything don't you?

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